A couple came in to see me the other day and said outright, “We’re in such a negative place right now. We know we love each other, but lately we’ve been feeling like we don’t particularly like each other.”

Building an air of negativity in your relationship is more common than you think. Most couples go through periods of emotional disconnect, often with thoughts of hopelessness and despair. They feel alone and have fears that they won’t be able to dig themselves out of their rut and be happy again.

What I often suggest to couples that are having a pessimistic view of their relationship is to shift their perspective; be more positive and optimistic. I urge couples to scan their home life and relationships for things that are working well; essentially “catch” your partner doing things right instead of everything wrong.

This small shift in thinking adds up, and day-by-day the mental habits you’ve created and fostered pay off. You start looking for opportunities to express appreciation and gratitude instead of negativity and discontent. You begin to cultivate an atmosphere of mutual respect, adoration and positivity for your partner and your relationship.

So instead of looking for all the faults, remember that it’s normal to feel unhappy at times. Try getting things back on track with these 10 ways to love your significant other. I promise you’ll be pleasantly surprised with the results.

• 1. Start your morning with gratitude and list 5 things you love about your husband/wife.
• 2. Do something for your loved one first thing, instead of doing something for you (make them coffee and hand deliver it to them, pack their lunch bag, leave them a cute send off note to find at work…)
• 3. Text them “Have a good day! See you tonight.”
• 4. Plan a date night and send them an invite request.
• 5. Write them a “hopeful” letter about your current feelings but desire to make things better.
• 6. Find ways to support their current desires (whether it’s wanting to go back to school, gearing up for a promotion or joining a marathon group). Tell them you want to help them foster their dreams.
• 7. Kiss them passionately when they come in the door (for at least 7 seconds!).
• 8. Find a comedy or opportunity to create laughter between the two of you.
• 9. Discover something new and novel together.
• 10. Be passionate and make love.